"And if you believe that, I have a Nigerian house to sell you"

A lot of places in Nigeria have "NOT FOR SALE" painted on the house or
wall. I asked why - usually it's the other way around -- and found
out that a lot of people run scams by selling houses they don't own.
Owners put up the signs to make people really investigate before
"buying" and giving the real owner a hassle. They find a house where
the owner is away or even bribe a housekeeper if it's occupied and
sell the house. Only later does the purchaser find out he doesn't own
the house. Someone will make a killing in title insurance.

No Spocks here

Nigerians are very animated people. It can take you aback at first, particularly when compounded by the sheer number of people and the fact that there is less personal space here. Everywhere you go there are a lot of people, all talking loudly and with big gestures. They also argue easily, almost like it’s a pastime, but rarely is it violent – usually when it gets violent it’s a mob deal and people die, it seems. I saw lots of arguments where guys were up in each others’ face, yelling away and waving there arms. If you saw this in the U.S. you would wait, expecting one person to throw a punch, but instead they just keep arguing until someone blinks.

This also means that checking in for a flight at an airport sometimes feels like doing battle, particularly at the Arik domestic terminal in Lagos. It can start orderly, but inevitably people get agitated as flight time nears – even though the flights are inevitably late – and then things get interesting. People start trying to cut, and they get yelled at, to which they just yell back, and then people start muscling this way and that. You end up with a crowd around the desk, with 10 people reaching over/around others to wave their tickets in the face of the check in guy, with everyone yelling at everyone else – including the check in guy yelling back at the customers who are yelling at him. The volume sometimes seems like it is somewhere between “rock concert” and “shuttle launch.”

Boxing out in basketball is great practice for Arik check-in counters, and I learned to always stand with my rolling suitcase about arm’s length to one side so as to maximize my “blocking area.”

A story that combines arguing and flying: a co-worker was on a flight that was delayed on the taxiway. A guy pulls out his phone and starts talking, and the flight attendant asks him to turn it off. He starts shouting at her that he should be able to use it, then the people around him shout at him to shut it off so they can take off. In the back of the flight, one guy asked another what the commotion was, and then they got in an argument over whether the guy in the front should or shouldn’t be allowed to use his phone. Most of the plane got involved in a heated and vocal argument, directly or indirectly, over this guy’s phone.

Religion in Nigeria, part 2

Joel Osteen has nothing on Nigerian preachers.

For those of you not familiar with Joel Osteen, he’s a pastor in Houston who is more self-help guru than teacher of the Bible. His book titles are things like “Your Best Life Now,” “Becoming a Better You,” etc. He himself is a brand, sort of like Lady Gaga. He’s frequently associated with what is called “name it and claim it” theology.

In Nigeria just about every church has a sign that goes something like: “House of Power and Blessing Ministries, 3rd District 6th Diocese, Apostles of God Rev. John and Jane Doe, Pastors.” The focus, at least of everything that is externally visible, is on claiming blessings and realizing the earthly wealth and success that surely we must get if we just believe hard enough because God loves us. There is a super popular daily devotional called Daily Manna that was in my hotel rooms with the Gideon Bible; every day is 95% inspiration and 5% selected Bible verses that are generic and positive.

Example:
“…See John 3:8: “The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit” (NKJV). Note the words: “SO IS EVERYONE WHO IS BORN OF THE SPIRIT.” That means you are as mysterious as the wind! That means when men say, it is over with you, then will your new beginning spring forth! That means every exit from something is an entry into a better one for you. That means every loss is a gain in disguise for you! That means what others called a disappointment is an appointment with destiny concerning you. God will make you a mystery to yourself! God is ready to lift you beyond explanation, therefore get ready for gossips/critics because they would soon start talking about you! … No philosopher can philosophize how a slave boy (Joseph) became a sage (a wise man)! No mathematician can calculate how a scar is turned into a star! Your progress into destiny will defy the explanation of friends and will be a shocker to your foes! LIKE THE WIND, YOU CANNOT BE EXPLAINED! Look up to God! (FASTING CONTINUES)! …Open your mouth and declare aloud that you are a wonder, a sign and a mystery. Declare that you will make it in life and you will be celebrated. Declare that your tomorrow is a story of hope and your best days are just ahead.”

There is a Nigerian TV channel that is 24/7 big name inspirational preachers, including “Pastor Chris” who puts out Daily Manna.

My issue isn’t with what is explicit (there is a statement of how to become a Christian that is extremely simple but correct in as far as it goes) but with what is implicit: that the promises of “power” and “overcoming” and “God giving us what we need” that in the Bible are in reference to our earthly life. One need look no further than the fate of the disciples to see that this is no the case.

However, hope is a powerful thing, and these pastors frequently become very rich. Their success is seen not as hoarding wealth given for God’s ministry but as an example of what God can do for each person if you just believe harder (and give a little more)!

The emotional appeals full of spiritual warfare imagery have particular pull here because indigenous spiritualism is still very widespread. Benin City is actually a hotbed of it. There is still a head local “Oba” who is a bit like Queen Elizabeth -- most people don't strictly view him as their leader, but they still fear him to some degree and give weight to what he says.  In Lagos I went into a neighborhood where the two guards at the entrance had no guns and were in regular clothes. When I commented that it wasn’t great security my driver told me it was actually very good security because they were voodoo practitioners and that they couldn’t be killed with bullets. He really believed it, even though he had also separately said he was a Christian and talked very well about how many Nigerians claim to be Christians but don’t live it out.

At least I can get peas and asparagus

I did my first real grocery shop today in South Africa. I had made quick runs to get a few staples, but haven’t been home enough to cook.  I had two revelations while in the grocery store:
1) I haven’t cooked for myself in ~4 months thanks to Nigeria, and I’ve just plumb forgotten what it is that I like to cook.
2) Even if I could remember what I liked and the recipes, I would need to translate volumes (cups) to weights (grams)
2) I may have to find some new staple meals anyway, because prices and selection are different.

A long time ago a friend gave me a book that still makes me laugh every time I pick it up entitled, “Help! My apartment has a kitchen!” I think I need a book entitled, “Help! I can’t remember what I want to eat!”

As for availability:
-Applesauce? You’ll find two varieties, both sweetened, in the marinade section.
-Dill relish for tuna fish sandwiches? A new concept to the Pick n Pay worker, not to mention the fact that tuna is >$1/tin. The sign over the aisle listed “pickles” as one of 6 items in the aisle, but they only had 3 varieties of pickles, all whole, and they were outnumbered by the olive types.
-Broccoli? Not in three groceries I went to. My roommate finally found some.
-Bisquick or other baking mix? Nope – and no brownie mix, either, which I love to make. Looks like I will really be going from scratch.
-I can’t get 100% whole wheat bread, though I found something that is pretty brown.
-Out of ~3 meters of milk shelf space, there is only one option for skim milk.
-Tortillas are a specialty food and are ~$2.50 for 6. Ouch. I may be having “pita fajitas.”
-There’s no such thing as 100% OJ in this country as far as I can tell. You can find 100% juice, but OJ is always diluted with apple or pear juice. (I assume that’s because of local taste, but maybe because of citrus fruit costs here.)

Even the things you can find don’t always come the way you would expect.
-Ground beef doesn’t come in chubs, only the fresh butcher packs.
-There was plenty of butter, but it’s in 500g blocks. I’m not sure how they easily measure butter for recipes.
-Yogurt is about $1 for one of those individual cups, so you buy it by the kg.
-You can’t get straight corn on the cob. You can only get it in those sealed packs where they have cut off the ends and peeled them.
-Salmon steaks? ~$14 for 4, which isn’t hideous but is indicative of the surprisingly high cost of seafood. (C’mon, guys, SA has water on three sides.)

What will I be eating more of? Meat, for sure, since it is cheap and plentiful.

More than just an accent

One defining feature of many Nigerians is their facial scars. Lots of Nigerian tribes have symbolic or identifying scars that they give their kids at birth. The tradition is slowly dying (and is officially banned in Nigeria), as is apparent by the fact that the older a Nigerian was the more likely he was to have the scars. A minority have them, but I would say that around 25-30% of the people I saw had them.

Nigerians can quickly tell by the scars where someone is from. The most common seemed to be “whisker” patterns around the mouth or eyes, but there were some more elaborate – and bigger – scars. It was surprisingly hard to find a good picture of what I’m talking about on the internet.

Whether the majority see them as part of their heritage or resent the fact that they have them, I don’t know.  CNN had an article about the practice fairly recently that you can read here.

This is a good example of the facial scarring, though this is more extensive than any example I saw.

Back on the grid

Obviously I haven't been too active recently.  I finished up in Nigeria at the end of Oct and am now settling into work and life in Johannesburg.  The observations keep coming, but the time to write them down doesn't.

I'm going to keep posting as I can, both about Nigeria (writing out all the notes I have that haven't made it to the blog) and SA.  For small observations in the meantime, check out Twitter.

Real conversations, the encore

Phone call today to Kenya:
To receptionist: "Hi, can I speak with Mr. X?"
"He's not in." [She then proceeds to transfer me to his desk so that I can listen to his phone ring.]
[Phone transfers back to her after 10 rings]
"Hi, I know Mr. X isn't in, so do you have another number or an email address?"
"Just a minute." [Transfers me back to his desk, which she knows is empty and which obviously wasn't successful the first time]